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(no subject)

Mar. 9th, 2010 | 03:19 pm

figuring out my shit is difficult because i have to call myself out on my own bullshit. and i can't just blame jessica for being such a cunt, because i have to see that she's not the only person involved.

at least i'm trying to become more adult. nothing comes from nothing.

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you are perfect as you are. and you could use a little work.

Dec. 24th, 2009 | 12:31 pm
music: lykki li- dance dance dance

this year has indeed been an interesting one.
in the past few weeks, triggered by stuff from the last few months, i think i've made a conscious decision to really learn how to take care of myself. obviously, i know how to brush my teeth and dress myself and feed myself, but in a different way, i'm sort of a mess. like a lot of people are. so i just want that not to be the case.
first and foremost, i really need a different job. i've been broke for way too long, and i'm barely making enough money to make ends meet at jimmy johns. i just wish it was easier- the only places hiring seem to be strip clubs (thanks, but no thanks) and plus my employment history is less than ideal. but i definitely NEED a different job, so obstacles need to be overtaken.
and beyond that, i just need to get my shit together academically. i know that i'm smart, and i'm definitely curious, but my work ethic is absolutely terrible, and my grades show it. plus, i don't really know what i'm doing in college, and i've wasted my first three semesters taking classes that don't necessarily get me closer to graduating. bummer.
there are many other things that i know i need to fix in my life, but despite all of the shitty stuff going on, my life is still pretty freakin' amazing. i have truly lovely friends, and i guess the fact that i'm aware enough of my own life that i know changes need to be made is a first step, one that many people don't get to for years. i've been trying to practice appreciating things, and that's been immensely useful- it's far too easy to fall into this "woe is me" state of mind when so much stuff in my life is more difficult then i'd like.
all things said and done, i'm glad to have the next month off of school, to work with the above mentioned problems. and tomorrow is christmas (although, christmas is never as exciting now as it was in my childhood) and the day after that, i go to st. louis. although the reason for going is for my grandfather's memorial (he died last friday), i'm still excited- i truly love my dad's side of the family, and my aunt lauren's house is awesome. and then i just sort of plan on spending my winter break working and doing stuff that i like- writing and reading poetry, watching movies, etc. so things aren't too bad. things are perfect as they are, and they could use a little work.

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(no subject)

Dec. 11th, 2009 | 01:32 pm

My grandfather is dying.
For me, this is the first time to be around someone essentially on their deathbed. I missed when this happened to my grandmother, and it's very very strange.
I was never very close with my grandpa, he's a really gruff man, so it wasn't very easy to be. And in the last three years, it's been even harder. So i thought it'd be easier to be around my grandpa, but it's weird. He's basically chosen to die, so that's strange, and he just seems so sad. He's a grown man, who's had a full long life, and now he can't take care of himself, and that's just sad.
It's also hard seeing my dad have to deal with his father dying. And all of us needing to make the decision to move him to hospice care.

All and all, not really a thing I like.

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(no subject)

Nov. 11th, 2009 | 08:43 pm

i want reed to stop being in my house constantly.

but since that's not possible, i suppose i should just stop obsessing.....right? 

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(no subject)

Nov. 4th, 2007 | 09:48 pm

hey brazilian married mothers

you have sunk the whale, so stop sharpening your harpoons.

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